WELOME TO MY WEIRD, STRANGE AND
<Picard>"Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with
your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have
you been able to access their command pathways?"
<Geordi>"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer
by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
technology."
<Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer
screen.>
<Riker looks puzzled.> "What the hell is
'Microsoft'?"
<Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will
send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg
command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."
<Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't
they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
<Data> "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this,
it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources
increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to
adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be
taken over and none will be available for their normal operational
functions."
<Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than
that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
.. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
<Data> "Captain, We have successfully installed the
'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed
85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the
expected 'upgrade'."
<Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in
Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication
of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
<Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine
if their is something we have missed."
<Data> "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure
in the 'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part
of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.
<Riker> "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission
to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
<Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain I just detected their
CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
<Picard> "Data, what does your scanners show?"
<Data> "Appearently the Borg have found the internal
'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU
capacity."
<Picard> "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire'
can reduce their functionality."
.. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
<Riker> "Geordi whats the status on the Borg?"
<Geordi> "As expected the Borg are attempting to
re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but
each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our
closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules
from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
<Picard> "How much time will that buy us ?"
<Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate
an interest time span of 6 more hours."
<Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our
sector."
<Picard> "Identify."
<Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to
the 'Microsoft' logo"
<Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF
THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF
UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN
AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"
<Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward
hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
<Picard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien
craft"
<Riker> "Good God captain! Those are humans floating
straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they
survive the tortures of deep space ?!"
<Data> "I don't believe that those are humans sir,
if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and
wearing Armani suits"
<Riker and Picard together horrified> "Lawyers !!"
<Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded
up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
<Data> "True, but appearently some must have
survived."
<Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are
covering it with all types of papers."
<Data> "I believe that is known in ancient venacular
as 'red tape' it often proves fatal."
<Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
<Picard> "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to
watch, not even the Borg deserve that."
END
<The Borg vs Microsoft came from John Percyvilles Site, JWEB.>
What They Mean What They Say
- No fucking way! I don't think that is feasible.
- You're fucking joking! Really.
- No bastard told me! I'm not aware of that project.
- I don't have fucking time! I will try to work late.
- Who fucking cares? Are you sure there's a problem?
- Eat shit and die! You don't say.
- Eat shit and die, Mother fucker! You don't say, Sir.
- Kiss my arse! So you'd like me to help you.
- He's a fucking phsyco! He's somewhat aggressive!
- She's a ball busting bitch! She's somewhat aggressive!
- You've not got a fucking clue! You could use more training.
- This place is fucked! We're not focused today.
- What sort of fuck wit are you? You're new here aren't you?
- Fuck off shit head! Well, there you go.
- You're a fucking wanker! You're my boss and i respect you.
- Blow it out your arse! I wasn't here that day.
- You're fucking useless! You may not be fully trained.
- Fuck right off! I'll look into it and call you.
- Fuck off dick head! I no longer require your assistance.
- Tell some one that gives a fuck! Have you run that by the boss.
- How did you get this fucking Well done!
pile of crap to work?
The mind fairly boggles at the many creative uses of the word. How can anyone be offended when you say "Fuck"? Use it frequently in your speech and it will add to your fame and prestige!!
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